Syariah Court Must Address Woes of The "First Wives" -Hasena

I'm a recently-divorced mother of two girls. For over 6 years in my almost two decades old marriage, I was forced into polygamy against my will with my own friend whom I, in good faith, comforted and supported during her own divorce. Unfortunately dogs sometimes bite the hands of the good samaritan. And I was bitten badly. A husband who was very responsible and loving, and caring for me and my kids, turned into a total stranger. There was no longer the emotional bond and support that held our marriage together for the polygamy to work out since all his affections had turned to this other woman. It was impossible for me to stay in a union where I turned into the third party, effectively pushed out by this "friend". Having given up my career to bring up my kids, I now face extreme difficulty in rebuilding my life and in my financial situation, but it is something I have to do, day by day and I have no option to fail. When marriage breakdown is caused by the husband's betrayal, it is the woman who has to go up and down the courts to disengage herself from a dead situation. I had to fork out legal fees to extricate myself from the marriage, and now I have to face four other issues still unresolved: Child support, compensation, child custody, mutual assets. Each needs different legal applications and is extremely time consuming. The ex-husband has the option of just washing his hands, and the onus is on the ex-wife, struggling to keep her kids together without a father's love and guidance, struggling to rebuild her finances while dealing with her loss and emotional backlash of a broken marriage. She has to engage a lawyer or go through the sulh process through the courts on her own. More time and effort needed from an already drained woman. Irresponsible men, upon divorce, have the tendency to totally wash their hands off the kids' well-being and needs. This was the warning given to me and this has of course proven true. Not content with making the mother of his kids feel like a beggar asking for what is theirs, his financial obligations towards their well-being and growth (school, food, tuition fees, books, recreation etc, ), the new wife proceeds to insult the ex-wife by telling her to "sell herself" to feed the kids. This is the reality of the single mother. The reality of first wives in polygamous marriages not performed in accordance with Islam. Islam is a beautiful religion, with emphasis on fairness. The Qur'an says: Marry women of your choice, two or three or four; but if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly with them, then only one or one that your right hands possess.  That will be more suitable, to prevent you from doing injustice. (Qur'an 4:3) You will never be able to deal justly between wives however much you desire (to do so).  But (if you have more than one wife) do not turn altogether away (from one), leaving her in suspense...(Qur'an 4:129) Yet, Muslim men in Malaysia tend to only jump on the permission given to take four wives, without caring for the huge responsibilities and duties incumbent upon them due to their wives and kids. And they tend to turn away emotionally and physically from the first, leaving them "in suspense" as Allah put it, neither loved nor released. Imprisoned. After being imprisoned for years despite being a good, loyal wife and mother whose life revolved around her family (a respectable choice, despite what feminists might say and I would certainly do it again), I am now still being bound by laws which put the burden on women and let the men off scot free. Something is really wrong if breaking up and abandoning families and marriage is not a crime. I really believe there should be a law in the Syariah that allows the first wives/ex-wives to seek compensation from women who willfully and gleefully participate in breaking up marriage and families. I will the first to seek redress from the woman who left my kids without a father and got him to be a surrogate father to her own adopted kids, which involved baby trafficking, but that is another issue for another time. Of course the man is to blame equally for his lack of foresight and care of the consequences on his own children, his own family, but the third party should not be let off scot free, knowing full well the result of her actions. What am I getting at here? The injustice of it all. The fact that marriage costs nothing in the end. It has to amount to something, at least some proper monetary value and redress to enable the ones who have to pick up the pieces start over again. Infidelity and betrayal is not something "intangible". It causes just as much damage as being hit by a reckless driver. One does not jointly bring kids into this world and then make them orphans when their father is still alive.